


Steve vs. Omegle

by BriaLlama



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Omegle, Stony - Freeform, his typing really is improving, i like this idea, maybe i should make this into a series, plus roleplaying as steve is so much fun, steve chats with random people, steve learns to chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:46:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BriaLlama/pseuds/BriaLlama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Crafted from an omegle conversation I had with the lovely Katie! Finally dug this up, it's been on my tumblr for ages now. I'm also aware that the time zone differences are FAR from accurate. England and New York do not have a -does the math- practically 15 hour time difference. That would be absurd. But for the sake of this, we're going to pretend that it does.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Steve vs. Omegle

**Author's Note:**

> Crafted from an omegle conversation I had with the lovely Katie! Finally dug this up, it's been on my tumblr for ages now. I'm also aware that the time zone differences are FAR from accurate. England and New York do not have a -does the math- practically 15 hour time difference. That would be absurd. But for the sake of this, we're going to pretend that it does.

 

 

Steve sat up in bed, rubbing his forehead. He looked out the open window and saw that the night sky was as dark as ever. Closing his eyes, he enjoyed the small breeze coming in before looking at the clock. 2:04 am. Sighing, he glanced at the figure in the bed next to him, admiring the slow breathing of someone still sleeping. I wish I were still asleep. Steve thought. He rubbed his eyes, and stood up, stretching. He noticed the laptop still open on the chair next to the window, and walked over to it.

The web browser was open to a page that Steve had never heard of before. He wasn't surprised, of course, the only webpages he had heard of consisted of google, google translate, and CNN.com. He was still confused on how it all worked. He studied the open page before picking up the laptop and sitting in the chair. The breeze picked up slightly, ruffling his already messy hair.

"Omegle.com" he mumbled to himself. He stared at the blank screen, confused. Suddenly, there was a sentence at the top of the screen.

"You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!" Confused, he said "Hi." But nothing happened. He looked down at his lap, at all the keys shining up at him in the moonlight. Slowly, he began to type.

> You: hi

> You: how does this work
> 
> You: this is strange technology
> 
> You: am i supposed to get a response
> 
> You: i'm new to the internet thing

> You: do i just type things

He typed on and on, but nothing happened. "Tony, how does this wor-" he started, before realizing that he was the only one awake. He was about to put the laptop down and go make himself a sandwich when something new popped up on the screen.

 

> Stranger: Hello....

>  

Startled, he stared at the screen for a few seconds before responding.

> You: Oh. Hello.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Hello, Thor, I believe?

Steve stared at the screen, bewildered. Had Thor been on the internet recently? And what would he have been doing on this laptop? Wasn't he staying in a hotel downtown? He typed back:

 

> You: What? No, Thor is asleep. This is Steve.

He scratched his head, still wondering how Thor would have been on the laptop. _Maybe he snuck in through the window while we were alseep?_ he thought, but pushed the thought way as soon as it came. It was ridiculous.

 

> Stranger: ok, hi Steve

Who was this "Stranger"? he wondered. 

 

> You: Hello...who is this?

He began chewing on his thumbnail as he waited for a response.

 

> Stranger: My name is Katie.

So it was a girl. What was a girl doing up talking to strangers at this time of night anyway? The thought unnerved him slightly, but he kept up the conversation anyway.

 

> You: Hello Katie.

As an afterthought, he typed in:

 

> You: How is this omegle thing supposed to work. Do we just type things?

Maybe this Katie person knew what the purpose of this was. He wanted to ask her how she knew Thor, but decided that the time for that had passed. So he just kept chewing on his thumbnail.

 

> Stranger: Yes generally. We just talk.

So it was some sort of conversational website.  Was that the only purpose for this? Well that's kind of pointless. he thought, refraining from typing it in. However pointless it was, he didn't want to hurt Katie's feelings. After all, she was on this website by choice. He didn't want to call her choices pointless. _Then again,_ he thought, _technically I'm on here by choice, too. Pointless._

 

> You: Oh. Okay, that's ..fun I suppose.

Steve wasn't entirely sure how to go about making conversation with this stranger. So he decided to go with small talk.

 

> You: How are you

>  
> 
> Stranger: It can be. I'm ok thank you, yourself?

He thought about that one for a moment. On one hand, he was pretty good. It was a beautiful night, and he wasn't completely confused by this modern techhnology for once. He was learning, and that made him happy. On the other hand, it was a nightmare that had awakened him, and he was still pretty shaken up.

 

> You: I'm okay. I couldn't sleep, so I borrowed Stark's "laptop" thing, and I found this screen.

He glanced over at the sleeping figure once more, realizing for the first time that he probably shouldn't have just "borrowed" the laptop without asking. Last time he "borrowed" something, he broke it. He figured he should probably try to avoid doing that. And maybe try typing more quietly.

 

> Stranger: Haha ok. What time is it for you?

He mentally did the math. It had probably been around 10 minutes since he last checked the clock.

 

> You: around 2 in the morning, I believe.

He sat back, and put his feet up on the windowsill. He still wasn't the least bit tired, the cool breeze keeping him alert even at this early hour. He figured he might as well get comfortable and try to have a decent conversation.

 

> Stranger: Wow. Nice.

Steve agreed.

 

> You: It is quite nice. The window's open, and theres a breeze. It's pleasant.

>  
> 
> Stranger: I'm glad. It is almost 7PM here. It's so hot as well, not nice at all

He frowned. Katie obviously wasn't in the same part of the world he was in. Where could it be hot? Texas? California? It was 2 in the morning, why would it be hot?

 

> You: I'm sorry. Go find a fan, perhaps?

>  
> 
> Stranger: We don't have one.

No fan? What about air conditioning? Surely this person wasn't further back in the "dark ages" than he was. Didn't everyone have fans or some cooling system now? Or was it just Tony and his super advanced science-nerdy things? He didn't know what to say, so he just repeated himself.

 

> You: I'm sorry.

>  
> 
> Stranger: It's not your fault.

_Of course it's not my fault. I don't even know you, how could it be my fault?_ he thought. Maybe he had been misunderstood.

> You: It was more of an expression of sympathy.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Yes, I know.
> 
>  
> 
> You: okay.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Yes. So...

Steve stared at his screen. Now what? What was he supposed to say? What did people talk about? He was almost positive they didn't sit around and talk about World War II. Maybe the weather? No, they covered that. It was hot wherever Katie was. Which was..where exactly?

 

> You: So ...where are you from, Katie?

>  
> 
> Stranger: England.

England. So that explained the weather differences. Katie was on a completely different continent. Across a vast see. Of course the weather would be different..

 

> You: Great. England is nice.

>  
> 
> Stranger: It;s ok. Is rather boring though~

He thought back to the last time he had been to England. He honestly hadn't enjoyed it overly much. Maybe it had something to do with his being Captain America, not Captain Europeiscooltoo.

 

> You: I went to England once. It rained the entire time.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Yes Englsih weather there. It's nice and sunny now.

Steve smiled slightly at that. Why couldn't he have gone when it was nice and sunny? 

"Steve?"  a sleepy voice mumbled through the darkness. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Crap." Steve muttered under his breath. "I'm uh, talking to Katie. On the internet."

"Katie who? Do we have any coffee?" Steve heard a thump as Tony rolled out of bed and hit the floor. 

"Um. No?" He replied, staring at the motionless lump on the floor and honestly not remembering if there was any coffee or not.

"Shit." Tony sat up, rubbing his head. Steve held back a laugh.

 

> You: Oh. Tony just woke up. He doesn't seem incredibly happy.

>  
> 
> Stranger: I can imagine. Tell him I say hi~

"Katie says hi." He said to the figure that was now headed toward the kitchen, still dragging the sheets behind him.

"Whatever." Tony muttered as he stepped into the hallway.

 

> You: He just kind of waved. At least that's what I think it was.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Haha.. was it a wave with just his middle finger?

Steve smiled. How did she know? Then he frowned. Was she spying on them? He looked around absently, then shook his head. Tony would know if they were being spied on.

 

> You: -cough- yeah.

"DAMNIT STEVE." Tony yelled from the kitchen. Steve cringed, remembering that he had drank the last of the coffee a few hours before...well, nevermind. The point is, he had forgotten to brew a new pot. Tony drank coffee no matter what hour it was, and hated it when they were out. He glued his eyes back to the laptop screen, hoping to avoid Tony's wrath.

 

> Stranger: Haha oh well.

>  
> 
> You: And now he's mad because I drank all of the coffee.
> 
> You: again.
> 
> You: -sigh-

>  
> 
> Stranger: Well.. coffee is nasty anyway..

Steve blinked at the screen. Coffee is nasty? What? Of course it wasn't nasty. Maybe Katie just wasn't fixing it right. Or had had a bad cup in the past. Because coffee was a lot of things, and it wasn't nasty. He blinked, and saw a figure enter his peripheral vision. He pursed his lips and kept typing, pretending he didn't notice.

 

> You: You think so? I don't think so.

"Steve, you drank all the coffee again." Tony stopped a few feet away, sincerely angry.

 

> You: And Tony doesn't seem to think so.

"And now you're on MY laptop, and ignoring me." 

 

> Stranger: Never liked it. Sounds typically British, but I like tea

"I'm not ignoring you. I'm just trying to evade your wrath." Steve looked at Tony and answered honestly. Tony sighed, his expression softening.

"Just, go and make some more, will you? I'll keep this 'Katie' person entertained for you." Tony held out his hand for the laptop. Steve handed it over, deciding not to test Tony's patience. After all, it was around 2:30 in the morning, and Tony had no patience in the mornings to begin with.

Defeated, Steve padded down to the kitchen to wrestle with the coffeepot. He was almost sure he had it figured out, but he still blundered up sometimes. And now was not the time to screw up another pot of coffee.

Running his hands through his hair, Tony plopped down on the bed with the laptop, glancing down at the screen, and read the last four lines or so. Shrugging , he decided to reply.

 

> You: Hey. Hey this is Tony. I'm gonna chat for a bit, because Steve is making more coffee. And tea is okay. You're british

He frowned. He hated it when he hit a key and it didn't work. Sighing, he added his punctuation to the next line.

 

> You: ?

>  
> 
> Stranger: Hey Mr. Stark. And yup.
> 
>  
> 
> You: cool

>  
> 
> Stranger: Boring.

Tony shrugged. He honestly didn't care if it was cool or boring or if Katie was an alien from Mars. He just wanted his coffee, and maybe some asprin. He rubbed his head again, scowling at the floor next to the bed, where he had fallen. He blinked a few times. Definitely coffee first. He could just about smell it, feel the steam rising up into his face. He smiled, thinking of his favorite beverage, when suddenly his imagination was wiped away by a cold breeze.

Scowling again, he looked at the window, glaring at the moving curtains. They're not supposed to be moving, he thought. The wind reached out its cold fingers for him again, making him shiver. "No wonder I woke up." he murmured.

 

> You: jesus it's cold. hang on, i'm going to close the window.

He put the laptop beside him on the bed, and stood up, walking to the window. The wind picked up for a few seconds, making him cringe. Why on earth is the window open anyway? Shaking his head, he closed the window, and as an afterthought, the curtains too. "There." he smiled slightly, and walked back over to the laptop.

 

> Stranger: You and Steve are rather like opposites I guess

Opposites? You could say that, he mused. But that was okay. They were like opposites on the color wheel or something. Compliments. Not that he would ever say that out loud. Shrugging, he typed back:

 

> You: huh? um. eh, i suppose. what makes you say that?

>  
> 
> Stranger: He was enjoying the breeze a minute ago. Sayng it was 'pleasant.' I'd kill for a breeze now, it's way too hot.

Tony felt bad for a moment, but not bad enough to go reopen the window. That breeze was way too cold.

 

> You: oh..oh he was?

>  
> 
> Stranger: Yep

He glanced at the doorway, thinking about how he felt like responding. His head throbbed again, and he remembered that the window was the reason he had woken up in the first place. And his waking up was the reason he had rolled out of bead and bumped his head. 

 

> You: that's nice.

He leaned back against the pillows, blinking at the screen.

 

> Stranger: I hear you gave him a one fingered 'wave' as he put it, a minute ago?

He shrugged to himself.

 

> You: I might have. I was half asleep, and I need coffee.

Then a thought occurred to him. How did she know? What else did Steve mention about him?

 

> You: Did he really tell you all of this?

>  
> 
> Stranger: Yep. Read up on the page if you don't believe me~ You shouldn't be so mean to the fellow, I'm sure he means no harm

He scrolled up and started reading. He chuckled to himself a couple times, thinking about how Steve wasn't great at talking to strangers. Especially on the internet. He blinked a few more times. His left eye began to water.

 

> You: hold on a sec, i've got something in my eye.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Alright

He got up, rubbing his eye, and stumbled to the bathroom, running straight into Steve in the hallway, almost causing Steve to drop the cup of fresh coffee he was holding. "Shit, sorry, can't see." He tried to go around, but ended up tripping over Steve's foot.

"Tony, Tony stop. What happened?" Steve asked, helping Tony stand and half dragging him to the bathroom. He turned on the light and set the steaming mug on the sink. 

"I don't know, I got something in my eye." Tony muttered, turning on the water and splashing his face repeatedly.

"Well, heres your coffee." Steve told him, and left the other man to rinse out his eye. He headed back to the bedroom, grabbed the laptop, and sat down on the chair again. He read through a couple of the replies that he could see and shook his head. Tony was definintely not in a good mood. He decided to aplogize in his stead, since Tony wasn't going to. Ever.

 

> You: Hey, it's Steve again. Sorry about Tony, he's always like this when he's tired.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Hey again, and like what?
> 
> You: Short tempered.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Ah ok, it's fine

For some reason, that just didn't cut it for Steve. The way he saw it, Tony had been incredibly rude, and he felt the need to explain.

 

> You: We just had a bit of a late night, that's all.

Steve smiled, thinking back a few hours. He closed his eyes and lost himself in pleasant memories, before realizing that he was still in the middle of a conversation. He looked back at the screen, but not before stealing a glance at the bed, and then the doorway. He was still smiling.

 

> Stranger: I can.. imagine..

So Katie was picking up on what was going on. Steve shrugged, deciding he didn't care. For some reason, he had chosen to trust this stranger from England.

 

> You: Yeah..

There was an awkward stall in the conversation. Steve looked around the room, figuring that since he had been the last one to type something, it was Katie's turn to come up with conversation. That and he didn't have the slightest idea of what to talk about. He heard the tap in the bathroom shut off.

 

> Stranger: *cough* so.. how are you two this.. morning??

Steve thought about that for a moment. He still really wasn't exactly sure.

 

> You: Well, aside from...hang on, he closed the window. Again.

He frowned. Tony had probably closed it mainly out of spite, since Steve had taken the last of the coffee. He got up from the chair and reopened it. He wasn't surprised at the reply that was waiting for him when he returned.

 

> Stranger: Yeah he said it was cold

Slightly annoyed, he typed the next sentence completely without thinking.

 

> You: I don't see why he doesn't just grab a shirt or something. He does this all the time.

>  
> 
> Stranger: He's.. topless? Oh dear.

Steve bit his lip. He really hadn't meant to mention it. He was positive that Katie had no doubts now about what was going on. And they had been trying to keep it a secret, too. He sighed.

 

> You: Oh..yeah. Sorry.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Sorry? What for?
> 
> You: I probably shouldn't have mentioned that.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Haha why not?

Steve raised his eyebrows. Apparently the situation was amusing. He thought about it, and decided that it kind of was. He smiled a bit, deciding that he liked this stranger. She was nice.

 

> You: -shrug-

>  
> 
> Stranger: Well then

>  
> 
> You: Yeah.

Another pause. Why does this keep getting awkward? Why can't I just say something? he wondered. But as much as he tried, he couldn't think of anything to say. He supposed he could ask about her life or something, since he was already telling her all about his. He was about to start typing when Tony walked back in the room, distracting him. 

"Thanks for the coffee." Tony smiled slightly, rubbing his red eye before sitting down on his desk and turning on a lamp. Steve watched him grumble as he pulled out paper and some pencils and started writing furiously. _Yet another annoyance for Tony_ , he thought, _no supercomputers in my apartment._ He shook his head, knowing they probably wouldn't be going back to bed.

Looking back at the screen, he noticed that Katie had said something.

 

> Stranger: So.. you never finished your sentence before... 'Aside from..' ?

Steve thought about it for a moment. What had he been about to type, again? He shrugged, deciding to improvise.

 

> You: Well, aside from his abrupt awakening, we're well.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Good good.
> 
> You: Yeah.

>  
> 
> Stranger: You don't talk much do you?

She doesn't miss anything, does she? he mused. His fingers hovered over the keys as his brain tried to figure out which keys they should push.

 

> You: Well, sometimes I do. But generally, no. It's also kind of late, and I don't really know what to talk about.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Ah right ok. Uhh... Been up to much recently?

Steve glanced over to where Tony was still scribbling furiously. What is he up to? he wondered. He glanced back down at the screen and grinned.

 

> You: A bit. Heh.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Do I want to know?~

Steve shook his head, though he knew she would't be able to see him.

 

> You: Probably not?

>  
> 
> Stranger: I think I do know then.. Uh.. Been up to much hero stuff?

He nodded, figuring as much. She had everything completely figured out. It was no use trying to cover anything up now. He had given up on that a long time ago. He thought on her question, trying to remember the last thing he did anything really "heroic". The last thing he could remember was when the Avengers first assembled. He didn't know how to feel about those memories.

 

> You: Not really. I helped some firefighters the other day, haven't done much else.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Ah right. Sounds.. boring.
> 
> You: It is, I guess. But there's not much else to do...
> 
> Stranger: I can imagine. Can't you find stuff to do?

>  
> 
> You: -shrug- I could. But I'm a bit worn out from the last hero stuff I did. Plus I'm still trying to get caught up with all of this modern stuff.

It was true. Just last week he had managed to break 3 DVD's, as well as the DVD player. That was when he had given up on movies.

 

> Stranger: It must be hard, getting used to this new stuff?

That was an understatement.

 

> You: Yeah, hah. I finally figured out how to use the coffee pot last week.

He was pretty sure he had it down now. He just measured wrong every now and again, and made the coffee too strong or weak.

 

> Stranger: Haha, nice. How about the oven or microwave?

>  
> 
> You: The oven's not too bad, but the microwave. No. Too many buttons.

>  
> 
> Stranger: It's not that bad really

Steve laughed aloud at this. Not that bad? The microwave was pretty much his nightmare at the moment. He could heat things up fine, but he didn't understand what all the extra buttons were for. That and he accidently left his spoon in the bowl once...that didn't end well. Who knew metal burned up in the microwave?

 

> You: What's the point of having a "popcorn" button if the bag tells you not to use it, and you can just set the time manually?

>  
> 
> Stranger: Because microwaves actually have little men inside them, they crank this cog and it generates heat, but they're tricksters really. They like to mess with your head. Honestly.

He didn't even read her response, just kept typing. He was on a roll. And his typing seemed to be improving too.

 

> You: And then theres this internet thing. I'm scared to push half the buttons on this laptop, and I don't even know how to go to "google" or whatever Tony keeps telling me to do, to figure it out.

After he pushed enter, he went back and read her response about the microwaves. His jaw dropped a few centimeters. Surely she wasn't serious? Why had nobody mentioned this? Wasn't the microwave run on electricity?

 

> You: They waht.?

He didn't even catch his typo.

 

> You: And people use these things?

Was that even legal? 

 

> Stranger: Yeah, sometimes there's even little children. Child labour I tell you.

>  
> 
> Stranger: It all depends on the brand you have

Something was definitely wrong here. Either she was messing with him or the world was completely messed up. But he wasn't about to take any chances, not with what he'd recently seen, all those aliens and tesseract stuff. 

 

> You: What? Which brand uses children?!

>  
> 
> Stranger: What brand do you have?

>  
> 
> You: Um

Steve stopped. He had no idea. Silently, he put down the laptop and when to the kitchen. He looked at the microwave, but there were no words on it. He opened it up and looked inside. Ah, there. He read the little label, and glared at it. It looked metal. Why didn't it burn up like his spoon did? Maybe there were actually little tricksters messing with his mind. He went back to the computer.

 

> Stranger: What does it say on it?

>  
> 
> You: it has a weird h symbol, and on the inside it says "General Electric Co."
> 
> Stranger: Uh oh. That brand is the worst for child labour. They have barly any room to move around in there too!
> 
> Stranger: barely*

>  
> 
> You: !

He stared at his screen. Did he dare believe her? He hadn't given her any reason to lie to him. And she was nice, and hadn't he trusted her enough to tell her about him and Tony? He chewed on his lip, trying to decide what to do. I need an encyclopedia. he thought.  He turned to the next best thing.

"Hey, Tony?" he asked slowly.

"Hmm, yeah?" Tony asked distractedly, still concerned with his equations and drawings.

Steve thought about how best to word this question, wondering for a moment why he was even asking in the first place. If he thought about it, it was completely ridiculous. But it was 2:30 am, and he wasn't thinking straight, so he asked anyway.  "Katie just told me that the microwave we have is run by tiny little children turning a cog under horrific conditions. Is that true?"

Tony just turned around in his chair, taking off his glasses to give Steve a look of complete disbelief.  Then he started laughing, really laughing, turned back to the desk to bury his face in his arms, and kept laughing.  He didn't answer Steve.

 

> Stranger: I know!

>  
> 
> You: ...Why is Tony laughing at this?

Steve was pretty sure he knew why. There obviously weren't little people in the microwave. But some little voice in his head told him to not completely rule out the possibility. He shook his head, and decided to not think about it, and went back to his conversation.

 

> Stranger: Because he likes the child labour, just ignore him dear~

>  
> 
> You: This is not funny.

And he wasn't talking about the child labor. Or the fact that labor had a u in it. He knew that Tony wouldn't be laughing about child labor, or like it. He was slightly annoyed with that comment.

 

> You: Well I for one am never using a microwave again. Even if I knew how.

At least I have an excuse now, he thought triumphantly.

 

> Stranger: Good for you. Oh.. keep away from the kettle too if you like kittens that is.

Steve furrowed his brow, throroughly confused.

 

> You: ...The kettle? What's wrong with kettles?

>  
> 
> You: My mom used to use a kettle. What have they done to kettles?

He reread Katie's sentence. Kittens? Kittens and Kettles. She was definitely making this up.

 

> Stranger: Kitten labour. They have tinnyyy little kitty cats in there, they have to run around on a small wheel, like a hamster, to generate heat to make the water boil

He laughed aloud at that. There was no way. He knew from personal experience that his gas stove (he wasn't ready for an electric one yet) generated the heat from flames. Fire. Good, old fashioned fire.

 

> You: I thought the stove generated the heat.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Nope

>  
> 
> You: ...are you making fun of me?

He could almost see her somewhere on the other side of the world, laughing at what she must have thought was his complete stupidity. He was a little hurt at this thought. Surely she didn't take him for a complete fool?

 

> Stranger: Of course not, Steve..

It was the dots at the end that confirmed his fears.

 

> You: Because I know that the stove generates the heat for the kettles. I'm not that out of date.

>  
> 
> You: ...there aren't actually little men in microwaves, are there?

>  
> 
> Stranger: On the newer kettles then. I didn't realise you had an old one.

He didn't have an old one. He actually didn't have one at all, but that wasn't the point. The point was, he was tired of being made fun of for being out of touch with the modern world. That was why he didn't get out much. 

 

> You: Or maybe it's just an English thing.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Oh, no. Aericans have electricity powered kettles too, don't they?
> 
> Stranger: Americans*
> 
> You: I haven't seen one.

>  
> 
> You: Just the good old fashioned kettle.

But he really wasn't sure. It's not as if he took trips to the supermarket or anything. He went once, and he wasn't too keen on repeating that experience. Besides, bread was too expensive now.

 

> Stranger: Righttt...

>  
> 
> You: You don't believe me? Have you actually been to America and checked?

Maybe it was just an English thing. Maybe he was getting all worked up for nothing. Maybe she wasn't making fun of him, she just didn't realize that it was different in other countries. It made him feel better to think that. Anything to think about not being made fun of for once.

 

> Stranger: No, I just assumed. Sorry. You know that noise the laptop makes, it sounds like a purr/vibrating sound?

He listened for a moment, but all he could hear was the scratching of Tony's pencil, and then the sound of paper being ripped up. Tony sighed, and tossed it on the floor beside the desk. He glanced back at Steve, and chuckled again.

 

> You: No. I can't hear anything.

>  
> 
> Stranger: it only does it when the laptop gets hot.

>  
> 
> You: The laptop's not hot. It's got a self cooling contraption that Tony installed, or something. I don't know. I kind of tune out when he talks about it.

He thought about that for a moment, and realized he didn't want Tony to know that he tuned out when he was trying to explain something completely over Steve's head.

 

> You: Don't tell him I said that.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Aha, I don't think I'll need to, he'll probably read this later, it keeps a log of what was said

Great he thought to himself, trying to think of all the stupid things he had said during the conversation. I should not try having conversations when I'm half asleep.

 

> You: It does? And he reads it?

>  
> 
> You: Oh..

>  
> 
> Stranger: Possibly. Where is he now?

Steve looked at Tony again, and watched him chew on the eraser of his pencil. He frowned, noticing that there was almost no eraser left. He was positive that it had been a new pencil before, and he also knew that Tony was too lazy to actually erase something. Had he been eating it? He snorted with amusement.

 

> You: At his desk, tinkering around with this new schematic of his.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Haha, mind calling him over for a second? I'd like to talk to him about something

Steve bit his lip. On one hand, he didn't mind, and his stomach was grumbling. On the other hand, Tony could easily access that log thing and see just how dumb he was being. He sighed, turning the decision over in his mind.

 

> You: Um..sure..

>  
> 
> You: I'm a bit hungry anyway.

He got up slowly, stretching. He had been sitting for a while, and his neck and back muscles didn't like that. He popped his back, and sighed.

"Katie give up on trying to make conversation with you?" Tony asked, still amused from Steve's earlier question, not bothering to look up from his new drawing.

"No, actually, she wants to talk to you about..." he looked back down at the screen. "...something." he concluded, wondering what "something" was. Tony looked at Steve and put his pencil down.

"What's 'something'?" he put air quotes around the word.

"I don't know, she didn't specify. Anyway, I'll be right back." 

"Mm. 'Kay." Tony said, yawning. "Bring me some more coffee while you're at it, will you?" He didn't bother to see if Steve had heard him. He shuffled sleepily over to the laptop and sat down with it.

 

> You: Hey England, what's up?

>  
> 
> Stranger: ..I'm not called.. oh forget it. It was mean of you to laugh at your little Captain, Mr. Stark~~

What was with those little squiggly things? he wondered. Katie's mention of his laughing at Steve only made him chuckle again. He thought about Steve in the kitchen, and shook his head. The only place Steve hated more than the kitchen was Tony's lab.

 

> You: He really thinks theres little children inside of the microwave?

>  
> 
> You: What's not to laugh at
> 
> Stranger: Haha, I think you need to educate him more on today's modern.. ish. contraptions

>  
> 
> You: He's so gullible, though. It's hilarious. I'll tell him in the morning.

He thought about that. Technically, it was morning, he noted as he glanced down at the clock on the laptop. He decided that morning was too soon.

 

> You: Or next week.

>  
> 
> You: or something
> 
> Stranger: Oh that's mean... get a video of it when you tell him.

>  
> 
> You: Will do

Tony smirked.

 

> You: heh

>  
> 
> Stranger: Haha good

Then a thought struck him.

 

> You: I might put a camera on the microwave, just to see how he looks at it when he passes.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Oh please do! That may be funny

"May be?" he asked aloud. "Of course it will be. His expressions are the best." Tony glanced at the doorway to make sure Steve wasn't secretly watching him.

 

> You: Oh it will be.

>  
> 
> Stranger: I can imagine. Has he been this gullible about anythign else?

He scrolled up in the chat to see what he had been gullible about before. "Kittens in kettles? that didn't get him. Too many animal jokes, I suppose." he muttered. He recalled the first time he had told Steve that little animals ran modern technology. It was the easy thing to do. Maybe he needed a new tack, it was getting suspicious. And old.

 

> You: A few things. He still hasn't gotten the hang of automatic instead of stick shift. He still won't drive anywhere, especially since I told him that the gears are hooked up to little animals that shift gears for him. You should have seen his face.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Oh how I would love to have seen that. What was it like? You're so mean, it's not funny... It really isn't.... ok, yeah it is.

Tony raised an eyebrow. Of course it was funny. Especially when Steve got all defensive about being out of date. The only time it wasn't funny was when he got truly angry, and Tony tried not to think about that night.

 

> You: Of course it is.

>  
> 
> You: I'm a hilarious sob.
> 
> Stranger: Haha yes, but oh so mean too.

>  
> 
> You: But it's worth it.

It really was.

 

> Stranger: Oh I can imagine. What else can you get him with?... fridges and freezers? robots?

Robots? Tony knew Steve stayed as far away from his robots as was humanly possible every time they were both in the lab. He sighed, thinking about his lab. He took a moment to glare at the tiny desk on the other side of the room.

 

> You: No, he's got the fridge and freezer down. And the stove, he knows the stove. I bet i could get him with the toaster, though.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Toaster.. toaster.. What could you say makes that work?

>  
> 
> You: Hey, Steve, theres actually little kangaroos that make your toast pop up when it's done. They're the only ones that could jump high enough, you see.

He doubted he'd actually say that. He figured he might just casually forget to mention that forks and toasters didn't mix, and suggest that Steve "fix" the toaster with a fork when it "broke". He grinned at the thought, imagining Steve's reaction. Fried Steve. Steamed Steve. Hot Steve. Well, he's got hot down. he thought.

 

> Stranger: Ahaha please, please tell him that1

>  
> 
> Stranger: !*
> 
> You: I'll wait until he asks.

>  
> 
> You: Otherwise he'll know I'm just messing with him

It was true, too. Steve might not have all the knowledge in the world, but he was pretty damned smart. Not that Tony would ever admit it out loud. He enjoyed making fun of his Captain too much.

 

> Stranger: Ah yes, true. Good call.

Tony couldn't think of what to type next, so he put a generic response. He was good at putting up a front.

 

> You: Hehe

>  
> 
> Stranger: So evil~

>  
> 
> You: Oh, he'll figure it out eventually. And then he'll get mad. And he's cute when he's mad.

Tony's finger hovered above the enter key. He stared in disbelief at the screen. Did I seriously just say that to a living breathing person? he panicked a little. 

 

> Stranger: I can imagine. D'ya reckon he'll hate me for joining in?

He relaxed a bit, obviously England didn't think much of his comment. Then he tensed slightly again. Why hadn't she? Had Steve told her something? Or worse, had Steve told her everything? He resisted the urge to scroll up and check.

 

> You: Nah. But he'll be mad for a bit. You just have to let him blow off all the steam.

>  
> 
> You: He'll forgive you. He's just that way.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Ah ok, It's just a lil' joke anyway. Not like he can do anything though; I am in England.

Tony shrugged. 

 

> You: Pretty much.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Kinda sucks. I'd love to see his face when he finds out
> 
> You: I'll send you some videos.
> 
> Stranger: Please do.
> 
> You: Do you have like, an email or something, blog maybe? I could send it to you then.

>  
> 
> You: Otherwise I'll just have to post it to youtube and hope you find it

Tony tried not to imagine what would happen if he did that.

 

> You: And then he'll really be mad.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Email and tumblr, yes. And post it to youtube too haha

>  
> 
> You: I'll wait until he calms down to post it to youtube. It will be funnier.

And safer. he added mentally.

 

> Stranger: Good call. Wow, how long does he take to make food? Quite a while.

Tony realized that she was right. He'd been gone for about fifteen minutes. 

 

> You: ...is that what he's doing? Hang on a sec.

He went to the doorway, and peered out. The bathroom door was open, and the light off, so obviously Steve wasn't in there. He stepped into the hallway, and went down to the kitchen. He found Steve sitting at the island on a stool, his chin propped on his hands, a knife, the mayonnaise, meat, and cheese scattered around him, staring at the microwave. "Steve, are you okay?" he asked slowly.

"Hmm?" Steve sat up straight and turned around, blinking. Tony couldn't tell if he had even been awake or not. The circles around Steve's eyes were alarming. "Yeah, I'm alright. I was just, uh.." Steve looked back down at the island, as if noticing for the first time the food staring back at him. "Where's the bread?" he turned back to Tony.

"It's um. Gone. I dunno." Tony scratched the back of his neck. He was pretty sure he had thrown it out. It had been molded, and he had meant to go and get more bread, he really had.

At least he thought he had.

Steve sighed. "Well that's great." he said grumpily. "Fantastic. No bread." Tony just nodded. 

"Theres still milk, I think." Tony said as he walked to the fridge. He opened it up, and sure enough, there was milk. He checked the expiration date before opening it up and sniffing it. "Still good, too." he set the milk down next to Steve. "Milk sandwich."

Steve just looked at him. "What?"  Tony shrugged. 

"There's some cereal too. I got some special for you, Cap." he grinned, recalling his most recent trip to the store. He had never really realized how many brands and types of cereal there were before then. He never really ate it. The things I do for this guy. he thought, shaking his head. "Anyway. I was just making sure you hadn't destroyed the microwave or something." he began to return to the bedroom, noticing the not-so-happy stare Steve fixed him with. Tony heard him mumble something about tricks and messing with his head as he walked away. He hid his smile until he made it to the hallway.

 

> Stranger: I sense soethng bad may happen.

>  
> 
> Stranger: something*
> 
> You: Actually no, he just couldn't find the bread.
> 
> You: I threw it out earlier because it was molded.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Wow.. and he didn't bother asking you if you knew where it was? That would be the first thing I'd do.

He did, just not right away. he thought it, but didn't type it. He had thought of a better response. And it was almost accurate.

 

> You: He was just glaring at the microwave, actually. -chuckle-

>  
> 
> Stranger: Haha nice.
> 
> You: I think he thinks the microwave stole it. He seems to think the "little tricksters are messing with my head"
> 
> Stranger: -cough- I wonder why he would ever think of that...
> 
> You: It is slightly puzzling. Hah.
> 
> You: -wink-

>  
> 
> Stranger: -smirk- Oh yes, I can understand why you'd be puzzled

The clanking of a spoon caused Tony to look up. He didn't even realize he had been laughing until he noticed the skeptical look on Steve's face. "Cereal. Good choice." was all Tony said.

 

> You: Oh, he's back. He got a bowl of cereal instead. Quick, hide the evidence. Has he learned to scroll up yet

>  
> 
> You: ?

Tony figured he should probably keep up with Steve's technological epiphanies better. After all, Steve hadn't broken the computer yet. That was definitely an improvement. Who knows what he's figured out how to do?

 

> Stranger: Um.. I'm not sure... Just type somethign uttery random

"What's so funny?" Steve asked, making his way over to where Tony was sitting. Crap, Tony thought. 

 

> You: And he want's to know why i'm laughing

>  
> 
> You: cake
> 
> You: pie
> 
> You: arc reactor
> 
> You: nuclear physics
> 
> You: steve is cool
> 
> You: we love steve
> 
> You: yay steve
> 
> You: a;oeigthaeorighaoeirhgktsrncytoery
> 
> Stranger: Woo~~
> 
> You: THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR STEVE. FOUR FOR YOU STEVE ROGERS! YOU GO STEVE ROGERS!

>  
> 
> You: 10 points if you get the reference.

He wasn't sure who those points were directed to. He'd probably give England the points if she got it.

 

> You: (he won't)

>  
> 
> Stranger: .....Wha?

She didn't get it. Tony stared at the screen in disbelief. How could someone not get that reference? It only came from the most quotable movie of all time.

 

> You: Mean Girls, it's a movie. He wouldn't have watched it. Have you seen it?

>  
> 
> Stranger: Ah, nope. Sorry.

"Seriously though Tony. What's so funny?" Steve peered over Tony's shoulder. "Are you guys planning on what to tell me about technology next, just to throw me off? Because I wouldn't be surprised if you were." he took a bite of his cereal.

 

> You: You should. It's pretty hilarious. Anyway, I have to go now. Steve thinks we're plotting against him or something.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Never!

Tony looked up at Steve. "What she said. Never!" he smiled. "Chill Capsicle, I was only amusing myself. No plots here." They locked eyes, Steve still chewing slowly. He raised an eyebrow, not falling for it. Tony struggled to keep his smirk from showing, failing miserably. 

"Okay fine, you win, have the laptop. I'll go get my own coffee, since you decided to forget." Steve only nodded, not taking his gaze off of Tony until he couldn't see him anymore. He looked back at the messages he could see.

 

> You: Is Tony okay? Why is he talking about pie and nuclear physics.

>  
> 
> Stranger: I'm unsure..

>  
> 
> You: He doesn't usually mix the two.

He kept reading, getting more and more confused.

 

> You: And I don't get the reference.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Well, why not? Maybe nuclear pie?
> 
> You: That sounds dangerous.
> 
> Stranger: Yes, I agree. I say we make him try it first

>  
> 
> You: Good idea.

Steve stared at the screen. Another pause. He frowned. He had watched Tony type for around 5 minutes, and he was pretty sure there were no pauses then. How come he couldn't be like that? Why was he so...antisocial? What had she wanted to tell Tony that was so easy to respond to, unlike what he was faced with right now? And why do I keep asking myself all of these questions?

 

> You: So what did you want to talk to him about? Or is it a secret.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Secret, m'dear. So, how is your cereal?

He looked down at his half empty bowl, swirling the contents around a bit.

 

> You: It's pretty good. It's this Captain Crunch stuff. I think Steve got it because it says "Captain."

>  
> 
> You: The little berries are good.

He looked back at his sentence and noted several mistakes. He recalled that the box had said Cap'n and not captain. But that wasn't even the most glaringly obvious one. He had to blink a few times to make sure he was reading it right. Then he yawned. No wonder he had blundered so badly.

 

> You: Steve.

>  
> 
> You: I'm Steve

>  
> 
> You: I mean Tony. God I'm tired.

He took another bite of cereal and put the bowl on the floor. With his luck, he would drop it in a sleepy stupor onto the computer. Then he tried to figure out why he had called Tony by his own name. Steve? What on earth had he been thinking?

 

> Stranger: Haha apparently so.

>  
> 
> You: maybe I was trying to say Stark and got sidetracked with my own name.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Oh I bet... vain much?~

Steve was taken aback at that. He had never thought of himself as vain. If anyone was vain, it was Tony.

 

> You: I'm not..I'm not vain. I just. Sorry.

There was no response. He waited for a minute, two. He frowned. 

 

> You: Hello?

>  
> 
> Stranger: oorry, was distracted.
> 
> Stranger: Sorry*
> 
> You: Oh. That's fine.
> 
> Stranger: I'm back now~

>  
> 
> You: That's good. I was starting to think maybe I broke something on here.

He really didn't need to be doing that right now. He sighed, wondering what time it was.

 

> Stranger: Haha nope. I like Cookie Crisp and Curiously Cinnamon cereal <3

Back to the cereal. What are Cookie Crips? What are crisps, even. Wasn't most cereal crispy? And when did Cinnamon become curious?

 

> You: I've never had either one of those. I mostly eat Cheerios and Frosted Flakes. But these berries are very good. I may start eating this cereal more.

He picked his bowl back up and took another bite. He bit into a red berry, the flavor filling his mouth. 

 

> Stranger: Ooh Cheerios. So nice.

 

> You: Yes. I like them.

There was another pause. Maybe it was only him, but they seemed to be getting longer. And his eyes started closing more. He shook his head. The sound of a desk drawer opening startled him. He looked up to find Tony looking for a new pencil. Steve hadn't even noticed him come back in the room. That was strange. He always noticed when Tony walked in the room.

 

> Stranger: Good. So.. enjoy your staring match with the microwave?

Steve sighed, rubbing his temples. He was never going to live that down. He figured that's why Tony had been laughing when he came back in the room with his cereal. He had been telling Katie about Steve's embarassing moments.

 

> You: What? ...He told you about that?

 

> Stranger: No... um.. of course.

Of course.

 

> You: -sigh- What else did he mention...?

>  
> 
> Stranger: Nothing dear.

 

> You: Are you sure? How do you access that log thing you mentioned earlier.

Steve yawned again. Even if she told him he doubted he would check. He was actually getting extremely tired.  He glanced over at the empty bed, and chewed the inside of his cheek. It would be really nice to get some sleep for once. But he shuddered to think of the nightmares that would assail him if he tried. 

 

> Stranger: Uh... I cannot remember, sorry.

>  
> 
> You: Oh. Okay.

 

> Stranger: Haha yeah.

Another pause. He wasn't even bothered at this point. He was beginning to get used to it. He figured it was his turn to try and come up with conversation anyway.

 

> You: So.

He mentally slapped himself. What kind of conversation started with "So."?

 

> Stranger: So.. heard anything about what's happening to Loki?

Loki? He recalled vividly the huge battle, the alien army, fighting beside Thor. He also recalled vividly the pit in his stomach that had formed when he saw Tony falling from the sky, motionless, unconcious. Of course he hadn't realized the reason, then. He glanced up at Tony, who was now making paper airplanes and throwing them at the wall.

 

> You: Nope. I've talked to Thor a few times, but he won't say anything. I think he's still mad about it all. Well, more so than the rest of us.

 

> Stranger: Oh? So he may have escaped! -dramatic gasp- Haha, no I'm kidding, he probably hasn't

Steve made a face. Of course he hadn't. The Avengers would have been informed if he had. 

 

> You: I think Thor would have mentioned something if Loki had escaped, so we wouldn't be caught off guard.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Yes I know, I was just kidding.

 

> You: I know.

Steve looked forlornly back at his cereal bowl. It stared back at him, empty except for a couple of crumbs and the milk. He sighed for what seemed to be the 50th time before looking back at the glowing screen. He blinked, he hadn't realized how bright the white background was.

 

> Stranger: Yep. So, what are you up to at.. almost 3Am I believe?

He looked around for the clock. 

 

> You: Yeah, just about. Not a whole lot, just watching Tony rip up page after page of senseless science and math, and talking to you. Getting kind of sleepy.

 

> Stranger: Aw, why don't you go to sleep then?

Why didn't he go to sleep? He could at least try. The worst that would happen is what happened every night. He'd even actually gotten a good rest once or twice. 

 

> You: I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. I usually wait until I'm completely exhausted. I don't like to think too much before I sleep. Bad memories.

 

> Stranger: Oh? That can't be good. Why don't you get Tony to like.. I dunno, cuddle up to, to try and help you sleep?

He stared at his screen.  He was slightly shocked that she had just stated it outright. He hadn't actually told her that he and Tony were...well, together. Just implied a bit. Apparently that was enough. Then he got mad. If she could just come out and say it, why couldn't he? He had a hard time expressing his feelings, even to Tony. Especially to Tony. Would it really hurt to just ask him? That led him to another delimma.

 

> You: .................I don't know how to ask.

 

> Stranger: 'Hey Tony, come to bed with me, I have a headache' and look all sad, he thinks you're cute when you're mad, so he may think you're cute when being shy and awkward

He stared at his screen again. He thinks I'm cute when I'm mad? Is that why he's always making fun of me? When did he tell her this?

 

> You: H-he does?

 

> Stranger: Yep. I'll prove it... ' And then he'll get mad. And he's cute when he's mad.' <\- That's what he said earlier

He didn't bother to ask where she got the quote. Of course she remembered how to get to the log thing, but she wasn't going to tell him that. Tony was probably behind this.

 

> You: What am I supposed to be getting mad about?

Maybe she could trick her into telling him. Then he frowned. Tricking wasn't his style, why was he trying to trick her? I REALLY need sleep.

 

> Stranger: I'm not sure... Anyway. He thinks your cute, why don't you ask and tell me how it goes?

What's the worst that can happen? He took a deep breath.

 

> You: Um. Okay. Wish me luck, or something.

>  
> 
> Stranger: Good luck~

 

> You: And Katie?

He paused for a moment. He didn't know what he was about to say. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he had typed one word.

 

> You: Thanks.

 

> Stranger: For?

Good question.

 

> You: For the advice. And for talking to me.

 

> You: And not thinking I'm weird.

He didn't wait to see her response. He looked over at Tony, who was now detailing his paper airplanes, building paper skyscrapers, and destroying his newly made paper city. He had his cheeck on his left palm, and was making explosion noises every time his plane hit something. He looked rather like a kid on Christmas to Steve. _A very bored and exhausted kid on Christmas._ he mused.

"Tony?" he started.

"Yeah Steve?" Tony knocked over the last of his skyscrapers. His voice was completely monotone.

"It's three in the morning. We should probably go back to bed. Plus, I have a headache, and I'm not sure I'll be able to bear it if you keep blowing up Papertopia." He put on his best sad look as Tony turned around in his chair. She better be right about this.

He was relieved when Tony's look softened. "Alright. We're out of coffee anyway." Tony stood up and surveyed the damage on the desk. "Papertopia. I like it" 

Steve smiled, and looked back down at the screen.

 

> Stranger: You're weird in a good way! But so am I, So it's all good. Normal people are boring~

 

> You: -smile- Well, goodnight then.

"Tell her I say Goodnight England." Tony said from his side. Steve glanced up, noticing that Tony was reading over his shoulder.

 

> You: and Tony says "Goodnight England."

 

> Stranger: Haha, Goodnight Iron and America.

Tony reached over and pushed the escape button twice, ending the conversation. "And don't even complain about a headache," he scolded Steve. "you're not the one who rolled out of bed and faceplanted." He gently took the laptop and placed it on the floor next to the bowl. "Come on."

Together they fluffed up the pillows and found all of the blankets. They crawled into bed, and Steve wrapped his arms around Tony, pulling him closer. Tony snuggled into his chest, and smiled. Slowly, they drifted off to sleep, the breeze still coming through the open window. But Tony didn't mind. He had Steve to keep him warm. 

Steve didn't have any nightmares that night.


End file.
